This story is true. All names have been changed for protection of those involved.
She sat at the window, looking with great longing out into the night rain. She was searching for someone. She'd been there a long time. Twenty-eight years in fact.
She remembered when he first came to her, in her mind and in her heart, but as real to her as the objects she could touch. She first remembered listening to him when she was 4 year old. It concerned her mother and father. "They will never love you like I do," he whispered.
Over the next few years of her childhood, she came to believe him. In fact, more than that, she embraced his lies. She knew that she was unlovable, alone and untouchable, and so lived her life accordingly. Rejecting all around her; thus giving growth to the rejection eating away within her. The only friends she believed cared for her were those who came in her mind. She saw them and spoke with them and they directed her. But they were slowly destroying her.
The need for love and acceptance is the very essence that drives us all. Sex was the only way she could receive that.
Outside of sex, she was untouchable. Touching no one and touched by no one.
It was only when she was 14years old, listening to a Billy Graham Crusade, did a question form in her mind, a possible way out. 'Could this man Jesus, help her?' Without knowing how or why, her feet carried her forward to give him the fragments of her heart.
But to battle alone became too hard. Now, she had real enemies. Those beings, the ones who said they loved her, those is her mind, began to punish her for her act of betrayal. Jesus had to be put aside for a time. But He never put her aside.
At the birth of her 1st child, linking into the postnatal struggle, the beings in her mind no longer allowed her to ignore them. They now became consuming. Dragging her into their deep terrible darkness. In desperation, she had reached out to Jesus again. There was a certain safety in going to church, although the torment away from church became unbearable. Doctors were visited, drugs tried and counsellors seen. Five years of desperately searching for freedom and peace finally came to an acknowledgement from some within the church that those in her mind had substance. They also had a name. Demons.
War was now declared and she was the battleground. Everything within her turned to a battlefield and she had very little control. She had entered the battlefield and there was no way round it or over it, she had to go through it. Begging, crying, pouting, and running did no good. Without her realising it, God had taken her by the hand and had placed others around her and He began to break the walls, destroy the barriers, shoot the enemy and teach her love.
It took a long time, mostly very intense, sometimes a little more gently. It was ten years before she was able to see a light within her heart. Another seven before she was able to let go of the faith of others and begin to develop a faith of her own.
Maybe this Jesus was real, and maybe He was God.
By then her hatred of the demons that had lived within her and lied to her, over rid her fear of him. Satan. The one who had whispered those words so long ago, "They will never love you like I do." He had come to her as a father. Her heart had been a warm welcoming room, full of furniture and flowers and a warm fire. He had promised he would come and love her, and as she waited and watched through the window, waiting for his promises, he had slipped in through the back door and stolen all the beauty in her heart. Finally, he stole the fire. He had lied and he had stolen all that she was and had left her empty. When she finally turned from the window and looked into her heart, she realised it was dark, cold and alone.
Hi, I am going under the name Mary. This then is the very short version of my life, my battle out of darkness into warmth and light. It is believed that a satanic ritual was entered into when I was young, but only in Heaven will I know for sure. There is no other way for me to account for the knowledge and experience of evil throughout my life. Although I had experienced some of the power of Satan, I now came to know the awesome power of a mighty God.
Throughout this time I had battled the enemy, but I had also battled God. When you trust no one, you trust NO one.
But God is who He claims to be and Jesus is His Son. Just as a person who has had a stroke and lost the use of his legs has to step by step learn how to walk again, so God, using those he placed around me taught me step by step how to love, receive love and to trust.
With great might and incredible gentleness he drove the darkness out and filled my heart with laughter, joy, lovely furniture, flowers and a warm fire. Now I could trust people and depend on and love others.
But God was not finished.
Another tearing and rending episode in my life in the form of burnout. This separated me from the drive within me, the bondage of hating Satan and the dependence on others. Now it was just God and I. Burnout again was a battlefield. But this was not a battle to fight. This was a battlefield God carried me through. This was a field where rest was learnt, reliance was established and trust was built. This was between my inner being and the God who saved me.
Salvation was not the total answer. This time God came as my Father. He gave and gave and gave. He didn't steal, He didn't lie and he didn't leave me. He fulfilled all his promises. This time there was no fight. God showed me how a Dad should treat his child, how a Dad should love his child. This walk could not be taught, only lived. The One who is Faithful and True showed me His heart, His love and His peace.
My walk with God continues. He is not finished yet, but I am finding in Him, the Father I have never known.
She sat at the window, looking with great longing out into the night rain. She was searching for someone. She'd been there a long time. Twenty-eight years in fact.
She remembered when he first came to her, in her mind and in her heart, but as real to her as the objects she could touch. She first remembered listening to him when she was 4 year old. It concerned her mother and father. "They will never love you like I do," he whispered.
Over the next few years of her childhood, she came to believe him. In fact, more than that, she embraced his lies. She knew that she was unlovable, alone and untouchable, and so lived her life accordingly. Rejecting all around her; thus giving growth to the rejection eating away within her. The only friends she believed cared for her were those who came in her mind. She saw them and spoke with them and they directed her. But they were slowly destroying her.
The need for love and acceptance is the very essence that drives us all. Sex was the only way she could receive that.
Outside of sex, she was untouchable. Touching no one and touched by no one.
It was only when she was 14years old, listening to a Billy Graham Crusade, did a question form in her mind, a possible way out. 'Could this man Jesus, help her?' Without knowing how or why, her feet carried her forward to give him the fragments of her heart.
But to battle alone became too hard. Now, she had real enemies. Those beings, the ones who said they loved her, those is her mind, began to punish her for her act of betrayal. Jesus had to be put aside for a time. But He never put her aside.
At the birth of her 1st child, linking into the postnatal struggle, the beings in her mind no longer allowed her to ignore them. They now became consuming. Dragging her into their deep terrible darkness. In desperation, she had reached out to Jesus again. There was a certain safety in going to church, although the torment away from church became unbearable. Doctors were visited, drugs tried and counsellors seen. Five years of desperately searching for freedom and peace finally came to an acknowledgement from some within the church that those in her mind had substance. They also had a name. Demons.
War was now declared and she was the battleground. Everything within her turned to a battlefield and she had very little control. She had entered the battlefield and there was no way round it or over it, she had to go through it. Begging, crying, pouting, and running did no good. Without her realising it, God had taken her by the hand and had placed others around her and He began to break the walls, destroy the barriers, shoot the enemy and teach her love.
It took a long time, mostly very intense, sometimes a little more gently. It was ten years before she was able to see a light within her heart. Another seven before she was able to let go of the faith of others and begin to develop a faith of her own.
Maybe this Jesus was real, and maybe He was God.
By then her hatred of the demons that had lived within her and lied to her, over rid her fear of him. Satan. The one who had whispered those words so long ago, "They will never love you like I do." He had come to her as a father. Her heart had been a warm welcoming room, full of furniture and flowers and a warm fire. He had promised he would come and love her, and as she waited and watched through the window, waiting for his promises, he had slipped in through the back door and stolen all the beauty in her heart. Finally, he stole the fire. He had lied and he had stolen all that she was and had left her empty. When she finally turned from the window and looked into her heart, she realised it was dark, cold and alone.
Hi, I am going under the name Mary. This then is the very short version of my life, my battle out of darkness into warmth and light. It is believed that a satanic ritual was entered into when I was young, but only in Heaven will I know for sure. There is no other way for me to account for the knowledge and experience of evil throughout my life. Although I had experienced some of the power of Satan, I now came to know the awesome power of a mighty God.
Throughout this time I had battled the enemy, but I had also battled God. When you trust no one, you trust NO one.
But God is who He claims to be and Jesus is His Son. Just as a person who has had a stroke and lost the use of his legs has to step by step learn how to walk again, so God, using those he placed around me taught me step by step how to love, receive love and to trust.
With great might and incredible gentleness he drove the darkness out and filled my heart with laughter, joy, lovely furniture, flowers and a warm fire. Now I could trust people and depend on and love others.
But God was not finished.
Another tearing and rending episode in my life in the form of burnout. This separated me from the drive within me, the bondage of hating Satan and the dependence on others. Now it was just God and I. Burnout again was a battlefield. But this was not a battle to fight. This was a battlefield God carried me through. This was a field where rest was learnt, reliance was established and trust was built. This was between my inner being and the God who saved me.
Salvation was not the total answer. This time God came as my Father. He gave and gave and gave. He didn't steal, He didn't lie and he didn't leave me. He fulfilled all his promises. This time there was no fight. God showed me how a Dad should treat his child, how a Dad should love his child. This walk could not be taught, only lived. The One who is Faithful and True showed me His heart, His love and His peace.
My walk with God continues. He is not finished yet, but I am finding in Him, the Father I have never known.
