This story is true. All names have been changed for protection of those involved.
Four years ago I finally walked out of an abusive marriage of twenty years. It was a very hard decision, because I believe firmly in the institution of Christian marriage. I felt I was betraying my principles and telling my children that it was OK to get out when the going got rough. I now realise that I had been modelling a bad example to them by saying it was OK to be treated badly. I was subjected to conflicting expectations, constantly yelled at, expected to "cover up" and tell lies to creditors, taken out in the car to places against my will, telephoned wherever I happened to be when I went out, and thrown out of my bed or the house at all hours of the day or night and then chased to bring me back and make me feel I had over-reacted. (It's not easy to sleep on a school bench on a frosty night). I never knew whether I would be worshipped or reviled.
Some years earlier, on one of the many occasions I had been kicked out of the house, I went to a friend's place - she was out, but the door was unlocked. I went in and picked up her Good News Bible (a version I don't own) and said, "Lord, what shall I read?" I almost heard Him say, "Isaiah." "Which chapter?" "Chapter 52." These words jumped out at me:
"Jerusalem, be strong and great again!
Holy city of God, clothe yourself in splendour.
The heathen will never enter your gates again
Rise from the dust and sit on your throne
Throw off the chains that bind you, captive daughter of Zion." (Isaiah 52:1-2)
Although I couldn't see at the time just HOW to take these proactive steps, it was a great comfort to me that there was a prospect of regaining my self-respect. I repeated this verse many times. It took a long time (several years), some counselling, and many tears, before I could make the decision to leave - but it was my decision, and I "threw off my chains" and "rose from the dust" and stood up. I am at present working on the "clothing" (preparing for my future), and soon hope to "sit on my throne" when I have achieved my goal.
There is, it seems, no "right" answer. God said that He hates divorce Malachi 2:16, though He doesn't actually forbid it. When I realised that my husband was having an affair, I knew that God's law would permit a divorce on those grounds Matthew 19:9: but I didn't feel it was honest to claim that, because that was not the reason I wanted out: it was the abuse. Hence I have not filed for divorce, and I do not intend to, although I will not contest a divorce.
All through the time of my separation I have been aware of God as the husband of the widow and the father of the fatherless. He has been a constant source of strength for me. He has upheld me emotionally and financially. "The joy of the Lord is my strength" Nehemiah 8:10. I couldn't have survived without Him!
GOD IS GREAT!
Four years ago I finally walked out of an abusive marriage of twenty years. It was a very hard decision, because I believe firmly in the institution of Christian marriage. I felt I was betraying my principles and telling my children that it was OK to get out when the going got rough. I now realise that I had been modelling a bad example to them by saying it was OK to be treated badly. I was subjected to conflicting expectations, constantly yelled at, expected to "cover up" and tell lies to creditors, taken out in the car to places against my will, telephoned wherever I happened to be when I went out, and thrown out of my bed or the house at all hours of the day or night and then chased to bring me back and make me feel I had over-reacted. (It's not easy to sleep on a school bench on a frosty night). I never knew whether I would be worshipped or reviled.
Some years earlier, on one of the many occasions I had been kicked out of the house, I went to a friend's place - she was out, but the door was unlocked. I went in and picked up her Good News Bible (a version I don't own) and said, "Lord, what shall I read?" I almost heard Him say, "Isaiah." "Which chapter?" "Chapter 52." These words jumped out at me:
"Jerusalem, be strong and great again!
Holy city of God, clothe yourself in splendour.
The heathen will never enter your gates again
Rise from the dust and sit on your throne
Throw off the chains that bind you, captive daughter of Zion." (Isaiah 52:1-2)
Although I couldn't see at the time just HOW to take these proactive steps, it was a great comfort to me that there was a prospect of regaining my self-respect. I repeated this verse many times. It took a long time (several years), some counselling, and many tears, before I could make the decision to leave - but it was my decision, and I "threw off my chains" and "rose from the dust" and stood up. I am at present working on the "clothing" (preparing for my future), and soon hope to "sit on my throne" when I have achieved my goal.
There is, it seems, no "right" answer. God said that He hates divorce Malachi 2:16, though He doesn't actually forbid it. When I realised that my husband was having an affair, I knew that God's law would permit a divorce on those grounds Matthew 19:9: but I didn't feel it was honest to claim that, because that was not the reason I wanted out: it was the abuse. Hence I have not filed for divorce, and I do not intend to, although I will not contest a divorce.
All through the time of my separation I have been aware of God as the husband of the widow and the father of the fatherless. He has been a constant source of strength for me. He has upheld me emotionally and financially. "The joy of the Lord is my strength" Nehemiah 8:10. I couldn't have survived without Him!
GOD IS GREAT!
