Every human on earth suffers, in some form or other, from rejection.
Often it is difficult to put a finger on where it comes from and what it does, although rejection is more evident by its fruit than its roots. It produces a twisted form of wounding in us, which almost always has nothing to do with the original cause. Its roots are often shadowy and vague, and can prove most elusive to locate.
For us to enter into full freedom, however, it is important that we do find the roots, and dig them out.
Let us, then, look at some definitions to gain understanding.
Rejection is the result of failure to reach a standard or expectation, be that failure factual or fantasy.
Rejection attacks our standards – ‘what I do is not good enough.’
Satan is the first being recorded in the Bible who discovered all about real rejection. Through rebellion he failed the standard that God expected of him, and so was cast from God’s immediate presence. Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:11-19
Adam and Eve through their disobedience, also failed to maintain the standard that God expected of them, with the result that they lost their place in Eden. Genesis 3:1-24
Continuing on from Adam and Eve, every human now knows rejection, for we are told from Scripture that - "....all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard." (NLT) Romans 3:23
We all suffer the consequences of our sin in that we have become separated from God. Isaiah 59:2
Even with other humans we find ourselves missing the mark from time to time, and such experiences are painful. This pain, however, can be fixed provided we are honest about our mistakes and deal with them. God’s rejection, in particular, is wide open for fixing. (Read What the Bible says about getting saved.)
Fantasy rejection, though not real, is far more common than factual rejection.
Fantasy rejection springs to life when we think we have been, or will be, rejected by some failure that has not in fact yet occurred (and which in actual fact may never occur). Such perceptions are particularly vicious because they cause us to try and defend ourselves against something as yet non-existent.
Rejection specializes in attacking our emotions, which cannot think, nor are they designed by God to do so, hence our often excessive and illogical reactions to innocent deeds, words or situations.
Rejection says “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t”.
The pain of rejection, be it factual or fantasy, almost inevitably produces within us a counterattack, causing us to sin. At worst, it makes us vulnerable to demonic attention.
There is a saying that goes - "Hurting people hurt people." We do not enjoy having our standards declared unacceptable, and we so often go on the offensive. We start hurting those who have hurt us. Through our words and actions we make it clear that we don't think too much of their ideas or values either!
Such a reaction is bad enough if the rejection we have suffered is real. But more often than not, we are operating in fantasy rejection, and so we lash out with word or deed before anything has even happened to us. Such is the twisted nature of rejection.
Fantasy rejection takes that which is non-existent, and treats it as fact - which it isn’t. You see God didn’t reject Adam and Eve as people, it was their behaviour and attitudes that caused their expulsion from Eden. God still continued with them after Eden.
There are almost unlimited ways by which we can enter rejection, but let us look at just a few: - our conception being unwanted, marital problems between parents or relatives living at home, prolonged labour, instrument birth, being the 'wrong' gender, being adopted out or having someone adopted into our family, receiving criticism, being sent to boarding school, seeing favoritism amongst siblings, poverty, parental illness, domination by one parent, maltreatment by school teachers, unemployment, having any body shape except the 'right one'.
Even being afraid of rejection brings its own forms of bondage!
Consider these personal reactions to rejection: - Fear of authority figures, fear of inadequacy, fear of others' opinions, fear of failure, inability or refusal to communicate, excessive sadness or grief, inadequacy, insecurity, hopelessness, despair, unbelief, negativity, anxiety, depression, self condemnation, self accusation, low self image, inferiority, pessimism.
Do any of these traits fit you?
How about these known aggressive reactions to rejection? - argumentativeness, fighting, criticism, rebellion, anger, temper, stubbornness, defiance, swearing, hardness, harshness, refusing comfort.
Do any of these traits fit you?
Let us make it still worse by giving some examples of attitudes adopted to offset the fear of rejection: - self pity, petulance, emotional insecurity, manipulation, possessiveness, envy, jealousy, pride, haughtiness, arrogance, self justification, self righteousness, judging, ridicule, self-centredness, selfishness, self protectiveness, striving, competitiveness, independence, isolationism, withdrawal, perfectionism.
Oh dear!
Rejection is ultimately cured only by the aggressive application of truth concerning our standards. We must become ruthlessly honest with ourselves, and that is best done by the personal application of Bible truths. Let’s look at some examples:
It is true that God has rejected our sin, but it is not true that we are rejected. Romans 6:23, Romans 10:10-13
It is true that we are not as good as some people at some things, but it is not true that we are no good. Luke 12:48, Matthew 10:42
It is true that some people do not want our friendship, but it is not true that we are friendless. Luke 21:16, Psalms 68:6, John 15:15
It is true that our natural talents may be limited, but it is not true that we are hopeless. Matthew 25:15, Luke 19:17
The pain of rejection is not usually changed overnight. Where there are demonic invasions they must of course be dealt with, but generally the healing from rejection takes a long time and involves lots of hard work.
To heal, we have to stop lying to ourselves.
This paper seeks to accurately represent the teachings of Holy Scriptures. You are free to copy or alter all or any part of this paper PROVIDED that the Holy Scriptures are not misrepresented as a result.
Often it is difficult to put a finger on where it comes from and what it does, although rejection is more evident by its fruit than its roots. It produces a twisted form of wounding in us, which almost always has nothing to do with the original cause. Its roots are often shadowy and vague, and can prove most elusive to locate.
For us to enter into full freedom, however, it is important that we do find the roots, and dig them out.
Let us, then, look at some definitions to gain understanding.
Rejection is the result of failure to reach a standard or expectation, be that failure factual or fantasy.
Rejection attacks our standards – ‘what I do is not good enough.’
1. Factual Rejection
Satan is the first being recorded in the Bible who discovered all about real rejection. Through rebellion he failed the standard that God expected of him, and so was cast from God’s immediate presence. Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:11-19
Adam and Eve through their disobedience, also failed to maintain the standard that God expected of them, with the result that they lost their place in Eden. Genesis 3:1-24
Continuing on from Adam and Eve, every human now knows rejection, for we are told from Scripture that - "....all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard." (NLT) Romans 3:23
We all suffer the consequences of our sin in that we have become separated from God. Isaiah 59:2
Even with other humans we find ourselves missing the mark from time to time, and such experiences are painful. This pain, however, can be fixed provided we are honest about our mistakes and deal with them. God’s rejection, in particular, is wide open for fixing. (Read What the Bible says about getting saved.)
2. Fantasy Rejection
Fantasy rejection, though not real, is far more common than factual rejection.
Fantasy rejection springs to life when we think we have been, or will be, rejected by some failure that has not in fact yet occurred (and which in actual fact may never occur). Such perceptions are particularly vicious because they cause us to try and defend ourselves against something as yet non-existent.
Rejection specializes in attacking our emotions, which cannot think, nor are they designed by God to do so, hence our often excessive and illogical reactions to innocent deeds, words or situations.
Rejection says “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t”.
The pain of rejection, be it factual or fantasy, almost inevitably produces within us a counterattack, causing us to sin. At worst, it makes us vulnerable to demonic attention.
There is a saying that goes - "Hurting people hurt people." We do not enjoy having our standards declared unacceptable, and we so often go on the offensive. We start hurting those who have hurt us. Through our words and actions we make it clear that we don't think too much of their ideas or values either!
Such a reaction is bad enough if the rejection we have suffered is real. But more often than not, we are operating in fantasy rejection, and so we lash out with word or deed before anything has even happened to us. Such is the twisted nature of rejection.
Fantasy rejection takes that which is non-existent, and treats it as fact - which it isn’t. You see God didn’t reject Adam and Eve as people, it was their behaviour and attitudes that caused their expulsion from Eden. God still continued with them after Eden.
There are almost unlimited ways by which we can enter rejection, but let us look at just a few: - our conception being unwanted, marital problems between parents or relatives living at home, prolonged labour, instrument birth, being the 'wrong' gender, being adopted out or having someone adopted into our family, receiving criticism, being sent to boarding school, seeing favoritism amongst siblings, poverty, parental illness, domination by one parent, maltreatment by school teachers, unemployment, having any body shape except the 'right one'.
Even being afraid of rejection brings its own forms of bondage!
Consider these personal reactions to rejection: - Fear of authority figures, fear of inadequacy, fear of others' opinions, fear of failure, inability or refusal to communicate, excessive sadness or grief, inadequacy, insecurity, hopelessness, despair, unbelief, negativity, anxiety, depression, self condemnation, self accusation, low self image, inferiority, pessimism.
Do any of these traits fit you?
How about these known aggressive reactions to rejection? - argumentativeness, fighting, criticism, rebellion, anger, temper, stubbornness, defiance, swearing, hardness, harshness, refusing comfort.
Do any of these traits fit you?
Let us make it still worse by giving some examples of attitudes adopted to offset the fear of rejection: - self pity, petulance, emotional insecurity, manipulation, possessiveness, envy, jealousy, pride, haughtiness, arrogance, self justification, self righteousness, judging, ridicule, self-centredness, selfishness, self protectiveness, striving, competitiveness, independence, isolationism, withdrawal, perfectionism.
Oh dear!
There is really only one ultimate cure for rejection.
Rejection is ultimately cured only by the aggressive application of truth concerning our standards. We must become ruthlessly honest with ourselves, and that is best done by the personal application of Bible truths. Let’s look at some examples:
It is true that God has rejected our sin, but it is not true that we are rejected. Romans 6:23, Romans 10:10-13
It is true that we are not as good as some people at some things, but it is not true that we are no good. Luke 12:48, Matthew 10:42
It is true that some people do not want our friendship, but it is not true that we are friendless. Luke 21:16, Psalms 68:6, John 15:15
It is true that our natural talents may be limited, but it is not true that we are hopeless. Matthew 25:15, Luke 19:17
The pain of rejection is not usually changed overnight. Where there are demonic invasions they must of course be dealt with, but generally the healing from rejection takes a long time and involves lots of hard work.
To heal, we have to stop lying to ourselves.
This paper seeks to accurately represent the teachings of Holy Scriptures. You are free to copy or alter all or any part of this paper PROVIDED that the Holy Scriptures are not misrepresented as a result.
